Welcome to the first Lolokaust 3D MS Paint guide. To look at this guide you will need a pair of glasses with red and blue lenses. We advise getting a little more distance between you and the screen to get the full effect of the 3D, if you are too close, the images will blur and you will get a headache.
If you don’t have any glasses then a Yankee can get a shit pair free here but if you are anywhere else in the world then you will have to use your hard earned money to buy some, they are about the same price as a cucumber.
Don’t panic if a penis looks like it’s going to jump out of the screen at you, it’s only special effects. Enjoy this guide to Necrophilia in 3D!
Some of our members have been complaining that they are having problems finding love
in this lonely world. Having been on dates I can confirm that having to actually make the effort to keep someone interested enough to get them to allow you to put your fuck in them is tiresome.
Sexual deviancy is what we really want from our fuck buddies but sometimes the conversation is a drag, we just want fucky fucky. This is when I decided to research the subculture of NECROPHILIA! SEXYTIME WITH THE DEAD! Many of the necro information sites have been taken down by the Jews so I really had to dig for this shit.
SOURCING YOUR QUARRY
67% of necrophiliacs are morticians or work in the death industry, the others are the grave robbing dirty bastards who don’t mind rotting flesh around their rape rods.
So, I guess your first mission is to get a job interview at a morgue or funeral home.
PART 2: MAKING YOUR MOVE
One thing is for certain, if you get caught, you can be sure the Jew pig run local police dept and courts will throw you in jail und kill your family. Sneaking into the freezer area on your tea break is not the time to get a quick bit of ‘in out in out’. If you can get the keys to the slab room after work hours then its better.
Part 3: Erection/ejaculation problems
Well this really is one for the ladies. What surprises us is that more than 50% of necrophiliacs are female. Generally sexual deviants are males but this is an exception.
So, the obvious problem is how do you get a stiff to get a stiffy and is there a way of getting him to ejaculate? Sometimes if a guy has drowned, the excitement of panicking for air can leave him with an erection. If you don’t have this luxury you can pump compressed air down his cock or maybe a knitting needle, be careful with the compressed air, it can be messy.
Assuming you have got the hard on dept sorted out you then need to work on the love piss. There are 2 common ways to achieve this. First option is the old fashioned way, sticking your fingers right up his butt and messing with his prostate. The second way was taken from fertility treatment for dead guys. It’s a technique that’s been in use since the 40’s called electro-ejaculation or rectal electro-ejaculation. Typically, a kind of cattle prod-looking probe (it was originally developed for animal reproductive use) is inserted into the rectum and an electric current (10-20 volts) is applied to the prostate which results in ejaculation. Again care would have to be taken not to fuck this up. Hopefully whatever method you use, you should be able to get a good mouthful of cum out of your cold, dead, slab of meat.
PART 4: HOW TO
Having fucky fucky with a corpse is not like having it off with a real live one. For a start off, the dead do not scream HELP! or try to fight you off.
When fucking a living body you will note that it doesn’t take much effort, in fact you can just lay there and let your partner do the work. Dead weight is an expression that is so true. Have you ever tried to carry or lift someone who is unconscious? If a person doesn’t try to help you carry them in any way, even moving a fairly light person can be nearly impossible. Think about the crime scene, if you drag the body off the slab, will you be able to get it back on again? Can you lift it?
Lubrication is an essential also as they is much drier than a living lover. Remember they don’t secrete love juices so extra lube must be used to avoid rashes and rubbing. Car oil is the choice of the experts but be careful ladies not to get too much up your fuckbox.
Sexual positions can be limited and difficult if the weight is an issue. One mortician says that face sex is the easiest, 2 reasons: One, they don’t gag on your cock or vomit, you can stick it right down the
throat which is nice and tight. To get the right position let the head of the stiff hang over the edge of the slab looking up. this allows you excellent access and getting your balls up to the nose shouldn’t present a problem. Two, face fucks is a win.
If you feel a little more daring you can go for full anal or vaginal sex. To get a good thrust up the chocolate box, you must position the body face down with the legs dangling over the edge of the table. Remember the problem of weight and make sure they don’t slip off the slab as you position them. With the asshole exposed like a free shopping spree, you should be able to get a good bit of fuckass. Its doubtful you will get shit on your knob (unless they shit themselves when the car ran over their head) as its probably very dry.
The classic front fuck can be very pleasurable as the muscles are very relaxed compared to what you might be used to. Don’t expect it to be tight and don’t be put off when you are fucking them and you’re face to face, looking them straight in the eye. Missionary position is pretty much the only way, as a stiff won’t give you much help. Passionate kissing is very sexy when the skin is so cold.
Part 5: Advanced section, do not try this at home
One position you can indulge, assuming the body has no family to collect it, is to just rip all the insides out of it and wear it like a coat whilst masturbating.
Usually the body has to go through certain procedures, ending in final disposal. The problem with this is that it makes it very hard to sneak them home for a longer term, serious relationship. If you do manage to get them home, your loved one needs treating and preserving. Ever since ancient Egypt, embalming has been a common practice in many cultures, especially for necrophiles.
Four areas of putting your embalming solution are used. Arterial, hypodermic, cavity and surface embalming are used to stop them turning into worm food. Formaldehyde, glutaraldehyde, methanol and an ethanol mix is the chemicals needed and there are various ways of putting the chemicals in.
Exactly what happens to us at death is still a mystery. Some think our souls go to heaven and we hope that’s true. If that is the case, it’s quite stimulating to think that as you are fucking your new cold love, their soul will be able to watch you from heaven and either wank one off or fill with rage as they helplessly watch you defile their corpse.
Hidden inside those bodies is pleasure, the challenge is finding it. Morality on this subject has long been debated but if I ever die I request that my brothers and sisters of this wonderful forum either steal my body from the morgue or dig me up and pleasure themselves on my dead over dimensioned penis.
Project director: Jewdozer Text written by: Jewdozer Art by: Ajaa Happyman Jewdozer Trevor Fitzroy Yedstar