However things are looking up this year here at Lolokaust! We have great MS paint arts and other content coming your way soon to celebrate the latest promises of the end of the world as predicated by our alien Mayan overlords, so check this space soon for new content!

and if you haven’t already, join our facefuck group circle jerk NOW! FOR HITLER!

As the war on Christmas rages across the world, we at lolokaust like to take the time to remember what this holiday season is all about. It’s not about jews and niggers, It’s about Family and Friends opening presents in front of a warm fire, sipping hot cocoa and reminiscing about all the good times they have had being white and being thankful they were not born black or jewish.

Amen

,From your pal CMCW and the lolokaust crew.

NOW HAVE SOME OF THIS CHRISTMAS SHIT 

A Paint Fagart from our Fuhrer of Jew Fries Capeta

Our Vag-Fuhrer Ajaa shit out this nice Christmas gingerbread cookie during her time in the kitchen.

I would ask what you faggots got for Christmas loot, but i don’t really care. Heil the Lolokaust!

The world has lost another great dictator, and he will surely be in all our thoughts this Christmas.

This St Patrick’s day we will be checking Fidel Castro’s Vitals in preparation so this does not happen again.

Above Art by Capeta

Here is your typical woman as imagined by the internet, sadly women in real life do not have penis, because that would make them too perfect. 

Little known facts about Women, they love to be subservient. Show off your power to the woman nearest to you now, and score big later.

Women loathe men who can’t give them a good beating now and then.
If you have been neglecting your woman’s carnal need for a asskicking, give them one now and score big later!

Women love performing bizarre sex acts to get your attention, take advantage of this every chance you can and see what you can get a woman to do, this can be used against them later or will make a great around the camp fire tale for your children during parenthood.

Women are not just sex objects, they have many other uses. Think outside the box!

But with Women it can’t be all take and no give, let the woman know you care by involving them in your rituals.

Look, she’s happier already!

At this point you must be so disgusted with the true nature of women you may ask “what can i do to help?” well we must do what we do for the starving children of Africa or any other culture of self loathing we find cradling their babies while smothered in their own feces, we help them find religion!

The female condition is as simple as that and for as long as there is a rotting vag hole involved, women will always get what they want so hit em and forget em and come back to us on lolokaust.com, the only ones who will ever understand you.

INTRODUCTION

Lets be frank, school is shit right? You get up at stupid hours, walk through ridiculous weather, only to be beaten by the other students and mocked by overpaid fuckers claiming to be educators. Well you should say no more, free yourself from the shackles of the systematic slavery, pull out your piece and annihilate those that oppose you!

To be remembered you have to do something drastic. Nobody remembers the hero’s, it’s the bad guys we really celebrate. Our guide is going to help you right all those wrongs, settle scores and become immortal!

PART 1:  WHY SHOULD I DO THIS?

We believe that there are several sound, logical reasons for doing this, but let’s talk about the most common ones.

Nine out of ten times this act occurs from a social outcast in the school. Is this you? Someone who is a bit of a loner, who resides mainly in a fantasy world composed of video games and graphically violent movies? This is a good thing, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

You see as you play these video games and watch these brutal films featuring graphic scenes of violence, you’ve been subconsciously preparing for this attack.

PART 2: PREPARE YOURSELF

Firepower is the key to success. The guns must be chosen wisely. Handguns run out of bullets quickly but allow versatility, shotguns do serious damage and will get your face painted at close range but like 9’s, they need reloading a lot. Using a mix of guns can work well like in the Columbine shootings. Our hero’s used a good mix of handguns, shotguns and automatic weapons. Bayonet fittings for longer guns can make your hunt very exciting.

Arming yourself can be quite a task. You see, even though some countries and states allow you to purchase weapons over the counter, you’re still too young to do so anyway so you might have to find another way…

Your best bet into educational genocide would be to make your own weapons! There are many websites and books that will instruct you on how to build a weapon from something simple like a shank to an automatic pistol, but I find that explosives should be kept as the main focus. Firearms can easily be purchased from local gangs and black markets, and knives can be purchased in nearly any store; explosives are a little trickier to come across and are more effective at communicating your message.

If you’re on a budget and you have to think on a very minimalist scale, then why not simply look around your own (or a friends) house? Pretty much anything you have sitting on a shelf or hidden away in a cupboard can be used to bring pain and misery to those around you, I’ll list some now.

Why with only a lighter and an aerosol you have yourself a makeshift flamethrower and for added damage, why not fill water balloons with a flammable liquid (gasoline, lighter fluid, etc). Throw at these your enemies and then give them a quick blasting with your makeshift flame thrower, watch as they roast in agony.

Why not grab some cleaning products from around the house? You could douse that jock asshole’s face in bleach and watch him cringe as his eyes burn from the chemicals. Whilst not all of these chemicals are killers, they are irritants and can thus weaken and slow your targets. An added benefit is some of these chemicals are flammable!

Check the garden shed and garage, you can find many a weapon in these places. Some of you may be lucky to own some small portable gardening equipment like one of those little chainsaws which could come in very handy and make the job a little more fun. You could act out your favourite games like Doom or Postal but for god sake, make sure the damn thing has been topped up with fuel because your face will be red if you have some vigil students running at you with a chair leg as you’re trying to start the damn the thing up.

Part 3: Going in for the kill

Now it should be noted you never do this part unprepared, you need all of your weapons, some thick clothing and body armour if possible. An energy booster can help, it can come from a sports energy drink, some caffeine tablets or hell you might as well use amphetamines cause its really not going to matter what state your body is in by the end of this.

You want to start off by checking out your school. Get to know all the exits that your targets could run from. Exits are all bad so you want to block them off using garbage, start a fire outside them or leave some timed explosives, triggered or remotely detonated if possible.

To make your message clear you want to start your attack in the most populated area, the school hall or a class is a good place to start. Take out a few of your old peers and let some escape, when these people run out screaming it will attract many to come and check out what’s up, blow there heads off… show them curiosity does in fact kill the fucking cat. Knocking out the lights can also add to the excitement.

When killing people it is tempting to shoot them in a way to bring suffering but not instant death. Whilst this may be fun now, after the attack, these people may end up being rescued and treated, giving them the potential to cash in on your attack through the media, this is very bad. Head and heart are the most important targets on the body.

When you spot large groups, be sure to throw explosives into them but make sure these explosives detonate quickly as once the targets notice them, they will try and disperse as fast as possible. Aim for groups hiding in classrooms or in enclosed spaces.

Remember the home made flame thrower we spoke off earlier? Well now is a good time to use it, aim for students clad in thick clothing, as much as you want to make the trashy class whores burn, they wear very little and thus its harder to keep them alight. Remember, the more clothes they wear, the easier the flames will take. Enclosed spaces are good for fire as it spreads much easier, we’re not only aiming to destroy life but also property. School buildings cost thousands to repair in tax payer’s money bringing not only pain, but financial loss.

Whilst on the rampage it’s a good excuse to take those things you’ve always wanted, you know, like the dripping wet mouths of the girls in the shower room. Walk in and blow somebody’s brains out to let them know you’re for real. Line them up and tell them they each have 2 minutes to make your purple headed yogurt thrower spray its goodies or you’ll terminate them one by one. Try and hold back so you get to kill as many as possible….fuck that, even if you cum, kill them all anyway.

Word spreads around very quickly when the bullets start flying so as your bodycount increases you must be more thorough when searching for targets. Locked doors are a sure sign of dirty lurkers so kick that fucker open and look under tables and inside cupboards to get every single last one of them. If the police snipers have not arrived, look outside and you might get one or two trying to jump out of the windows.

Part 4: Wave goodbye

So….you killed everyone who has crossed your path, beheaded and slaughtered those who had mocked you. Now you find yourself alone in the school, possibly surrounded by only the dead and the dying.

Now comes the hardest part of the fun, the final shot of the day, the end of the game, now you must end your own life. If you don’t kill yourself, they will capture you and you’ll spend the rest of your life in jail, suffering at the hands of prison gangs. In some places, right wing, family loving, evangelical owned governors will feed the media with a show trial and give you the death penalty. Why let the state get all of the fun, yes, your suicide can be made fun for you.

If you’re exhausted then I suggest a bullet to the head, its not only quick but very effective. Remember to place the gun in your mouth, aim upwards towards the brain and let it go, you should be dead in a blink. If you wish leave a message behind then a written note, CDr, drawing or simply a poem will work. This message can be an explanation of your actions or even just a list of rude words, it’s entirely your decision.

If you wish to take the fun way out and create even more havoc then we suggest this; attach any remaining explosives to your body under your clothes and make sure they are all ready to detonate. Now walk out of the school with your hands in the air, the police/swat team will come running up to you but you will have the last laugh, detonate the explosives just as they get to you and you can possibly take out 5 – 6 law enforcers.

Conclusion

Your deader than princess Diana but hell at least most if not all of your enemies are dead too, as the blood runs from your head and you drift off into unconsciousness let the sweet thought of your enemy’s loved ones crying uncontrollably over the barely recognisable body of their child fill your final thoughts and let you laugh your heart out with your final breaths.

HALL OF FAME

This is where we remember our hero’s, those who have gone before us and shown us the way.

All report cards below are links.

Project director:

Fagfagjewjew

Text written by:

Fagfagjewjew

Art by:

chokecherry
cumbutcher
Engla
Fagfagjewjew
Gertraude von Euler-Donnersperg
Jewdozer
Nyaa
Spudmeister
Smilecythe
Xamllew

Special thanks to our model:

Gurant

We here at LOLOKAUST present you the new 2.0 Version.
Format changes designed to concentrate more on getting you the viewer/wanker/disgruntled politician MORE of our MS Paint goodness.

We are also looking for some new talent to contribute to our features and front page content, So check the SUBMIT MSPAINT button in the Navbar for details on submitting art and joining our ranks. We are currently planning our first new feature of paints with a “Japanese” theme, keep it in mind and visit  our forum to contribute.

GET TO WORK PAINTERS!
HEIL HEIL THE LOLOKAUST!

Expect some image dumps of old favorites and new images
from our crew of Sadist MS Painters in the days and weeks to come….

INTRODUCTION

Every human has a duty to give more to society than he takes during his lifespan. If everybody lives like this we continue developing and progressing as a species. Sadly there are elements that see things differently, elements that only intend on taking and degrading the human race. These are the Jews and they have been doing this for thousands of years. We are going to empower you with truth, help you identify them and take action to safeguard the very existence of the human race. 

PART 1: JEWISH SHENANIGANS

TYPES OF JEWS

Investor/Drone

These are the foot soldiers of the Jewish horde. They invest money into their own Jewish banks as a method of preserving the economy within their own dirty hands. Drones are generally given the dirtier tasks of re-possessing goods owned by good Aryans, collecting coupons, running nose-extension clinics and bagel shops. They are also in charge of stealing human hosts for the purpose of reproduction.

Banker

These are the higher ranking Jews. They are in charge of running banks who control international wealth. They like to prey upon simple minded young people by means of sinister bank contracts. It is a well known fact that bankers plotted 9/11 as well as the sinking of the titanic.

Film Producer

Jews have no talent when it comes to movie writing, directing and acting, so they are in charge of the only job they are fit to handle: money guzzling! Two popular Hollywood Jewducers are Steven Spielberg and Woody Allen. Steven Spielberg is notorious for making pro-Juden propaganda films such as Munich and gay classic Swindlers Fist.

Rabbi

The Rabbi is the highest ranking of all the Jews, except for the queen. Rabbis have an almost total mind-control over Drones and Bankers. They can easily be spotted by the funny black hats that they wear. Sometimes they utter vile words spoken in “Hebrew”. Don’t be fooled, while this is said to be a prayer in the Jewish language. They are probably poking fun at your misfortunes. Jews pray for two things: Money and the destruction of the Aryan race.

Queen

This is the highest ranking Jew of all. It is unknown how many queens there are, but early Gestapo estimates number between 10 and 200 worldwide. Unfortunately, it is difficult to tell the difference between a Jewish queen and a critically obese woman who can’t move under the power of her own will.

Unlike humans, Jews do not give birth to their young but rather lay eggs. These eggs are laid by the Jewish Queen, or “rabbi”. When these eggs hatch, a spider like creature emerges, though this is not the Jew itself. This creature will find a host which it will latch onto and lay an embryo. This Embryo will eventually burst out of the victim’s ribcage in the form of a cockroach like creature, which is the Jews natural form. Eventually it will feed on enough bagels until it reaches full size and is able to morph into a human. Although it is not known for certain, physicist Stephen Hawking theorized that Jews get hosts by kidnapping people, namely tourists. This theory is compatible with the missing person rate compared with the Jewish “birth” rate.

Race mixing: The downfall of the white man.

Jews are actually aliens from a far away planet. Their planet was dying because of the fumes that are emitted in factories during the making of bagels, so they secretly came here and tried to integrate with society. They really, really hate the Aryan race, and decided that the best way to destroy it was through breading us out, or “race mixing” as it is known. Race mixing is to the Aryan race what sting rays are to Steve Irwin.

The Aryan baby: Delicate, white skin, strong arms, legs which will learn to walk in time, luxurious, blond hair, eyes as blue as the sky and a face that radiates of Aryan beauty and supremacy.

The Jew baby: A repulsive insect like creature covered in a dark yellow puss like liquid, most likely puss. The Jewish baby, in its natural state, has six vile hairy legs on a brown body, antenna used for detecting the sound of ATM pin numbers, bloodshot eyes that speak of hatred and resentment towards the white race and a disgustingly large Jew nose. Most of these traits can be covered up during transmorphication, but not all.

Dastardly Mastery

Genital mutilation of a minor for sexual pleasure is a coming of age ritual that these ‘oven buns’ do on every male. A rabbi will bite the end off a child’s penis and spit it out before the alter of a goat shaped deity as an offering. Upon doing this they will eat money which is the Hebrew’s favourite meal.

The entire world is run by Z.O.G (Zionist Occupation Government) who are the power Kikes. Amerikkka and most of Western Europe exist under this darkness without the masses even knowing it. Throughout history there have been key figures in politics such as Henry Kissinger who overthrew governments that didn’t hand over their riches and power, the Federal Reserve under Mega-Jew Alan Greenspan who controlled the world economy. Z.O.G never actually puts a ‘beak’ in the top spot like the president, rather it pulls the strings in the background so it can steal and thieve undetected.

The world over the last 2 years has been brought to its knees due to financial meltdown. Jews own the banks and here’s how it works. The banks sell bad debts on to other companies with a promise they will make them profit. The money stops flowing because of all the unpaid debt. The Jew bankers go to the governments from all countries for bailouts and in turn receive billions in hard cash. Whilst this is happening they stop lending out, causing businesses to go bankrupt and houses to be repossessed. The result of this meltdown? They get money from the state and own property and assets on a scale unimaginable, thereby giving them greater control, wealth and leaving the state in such a mess that the working man becomes a slave to even higher tax. People say the wealth is going to China but its not, its going to the Jew bankers as huge bonuses.

PART 2: KNOW YOUR ENEMY

To fight and protect yourself against an enemy you need to be able to identify them. The cockroach uses dastardly mastery to blend in to its surroundings, making it hard to eradicate them. There are physical differences that set them apart. The Jew nose is a dead give away. It is bigger because the Kike keeps his treasure in there. Body hair is another sign. They always have a lot of thick, black hair, even the women have it on their faces,. Chest hair, hairy tits and back are another sign to look out for. Some say that fucking a Jew is like having it off with Chewbacca.

If suspicion arises about a neighbour, then you must test them for Jewry. Various tests can be performed to reveal the Hebrew in spite of their disguises. Drape fine cuts of bacon around your neck and begin an interrogation. Pork to the Jew is like Kryptonite to Superman, or garlic to vampires. If you sense horror or fear, you have identified the enemy and action can be taken. Sadly some of our comrades have been fooled into relationships with these rodents. Again, if you have suspicions, simply smear some pork fat on your genitals and upon penetration the Jew will disintegrate.

Saving money is a trait of the Jew. Look out for excessive money saving schemes like wet toilet paper on the washing line and illegal parking meters outside their houses. Collecting rainwater, using natural light from fire and raiding people’s dustbins set them apart from civilized society. The Jew, although owning the entire banking system, don’t believe in banks, they store it as gold because like scavengers, they find delight in shiny things.

Some Jews are shape shifting lizards. British broadcaster David Ike is a pioneer and leader in the movement to expose this foe. These shape shifters are part of the illuminati power-Jews who control things at the top. They eat money and have become drunk on power. Very few people have seen them in their natural form.

PART 3: OUR FUHRER, OUR LEADER AND SUPREME COMMANDER ADOLF HITLER!

Political correctness has made our duty to our fatherland difficult. We are told to accept all people, regardless of colour, race and sexual orientation but we all know that’s a bag of pig semen so we have to be pro-active. Our glorious leader and master, Adolf Hitler (peace be upon his great name and eternal memory), made it a national project to get this beast in its place by putting them in lol camps. This is the only time in human history the Jew has been put to good use.

Killing the cockroach was the easy part, getting rid of the bodies was the challenge. Before the bodies were buried or burnt in mass graves, gold was extracted from their teeth. This was another trick of the shape shifting lizard to hide its wealth. It was said that the gold extracted from the Yid’s teeth was enough to finance the entire war effort!

CONCLUSION: THE FINAL SOLUTION

But what can I do about the Zionist problem?

Every red blooded white human hates Jews. But unfortunately not everyone knows how to deal with the problem. You see, having a Jewish settlement in your community is a lot like being raped with a rusty pitchfork while on morphine; sure, you don’t notice at first, but just wait until it wears off! I’m not really going anywhere with this, I just wanted to make a reference to drugs and inanimate object rape. Anyway, there are several ways to counter-act the Jewish advance: 

Put cyanide in your local bagel store: Jews can’t survive for more than three hours without a dose of bagel, so if you put the poison right at the source you’ll be sure to take down a good number of the fuckers before they realize they are being infiltrated. At this point, you spill a jar of burning oil onto a little girls face and run away LOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLO

Investing=bad: Don’t be a greedy fag, just take the money you earn out of the bank as soon as possible. Remember, every time you invest, an innocent child gets prostate cancer.

Support Jew haters: This one is a bit of a kick in the bananas because you’d be supporting a nation of rag head terrorists, but as soon as Israel is wiped off the map we can stab the fuckers in the back and steal their oil. It will be easy because the conflict with Israel would have taken up what little resources they have and leave them fighting us with sticks and stones. A win-win situation!

LOLOKAUSTS!

Project director:

Dredknot

Text written by:

Dredknot

with additional content by: Jewdozer

Art by:

Jewdozer
Homodozer
Smileycythe (fagcomix)
Tino (uncover-reality)
TrevorFitzroy (ed forums)
Xamllew (facepunch)

]]> http://lolokaust.com/homepage/2011/12/05/kike-guide/feed/ 0 http://lolokaust.com/homepage/2011/12/05/animal-guide/ http://lolokaust.com/homepage/2011/12/05/animal-guide/#comments Mon, 05 Dec 2011 17:52:53 +0000 CMCW http://lolokaust.com/lolokaustpress/?p=99 Continue reading →]]>

INTRODUCTION

Animals are a fantastic natural resource and there are more of them than there are us which means they are not likely to run out. We are going to show you how to get the most out of the animal kingdom by utilizing all they have to offer. Beasts of various shapes and sizes have been given to humanity as a gift so it’s our duty as superior beings to dominate them and use them to our benefit. Welcome to the 9th Lolokaust guide to Animal Cruelty in MSpaint!

As usual we have consulted experts in all fields of animal cruelty. In our guide will be some ratings by the Lolokaust bunnies. These have been tested on so there’s no chance of any danger to human beings. These bunny ratings will help you get the best out of our furry friends.

PART 1: SCIENCE AND RESEARCH

Over time we have found cures for many diseases like cancer and aids by injecting drain cleaner into the eyes of fluffy white bunnies. More importantly we have improved cosmetics so that our sluts can cover their faces in shit and not run the risk of make up eating their face away like acid. Animal rights protesters, (god damn hippies) target centres of animal research and victimize scientists but if they actually stopped talking to trees for a moment and found out about the vital data collection vivisection science provides us with, then they might stop fire bombing them. Only when you have an insight into what animal testing accomplishes do you realise how important it is to support their work by deliberately buying products that have been tested on animals.

Ohio USA. Proud white males are trying to mix the true Christian paradise and scientific research. How? Feeding dirty wogs to cows to study the poisoning power of the lesser race. Clean holes are done on each of the beasts stomachs to study the process, the result being a darkish tar useful to make roads or to maintain ye olde tradition of tarring and feathering. We can hardly think how awful it must be being soaked on hot negro entrails. Untermensch’s guts are spared since an accidental pregnancy between dr. zaius’ minions and a ruminant could create a monster worse than any Troma movie creature. Want to know more? Type in ‘cow hole side’ in jewtube for more information.

We all like our ladies to look good for us. If I’m raping a slut in a public toilet, I like her to wear mascara so that as she cries, it runs down her face. I don’t like to see too much make up either because I don’t fuck clowns. Animal testing cosmetics means a larger diversity of face paint can be produced and new products can be developed for this market. You would be amazed what you can learn from stamping on a puppy’s scrotum. Eye draize tests are a crucial part of cosmetic safety testing.

PART 2: RECREATION AND REVENGE

Animals can provide much entertainment. Right back to Roman times we have been using animals to fight one another for our pleasures. The Romans used to put helpless lions against pick pocketing Jews but fortunately because the Jew was too busy looking for the lion’s pockets, it meant the lion was able to get a meal on. As the ages went by, cock fighting and dog fighting became popular where men would bet on organized matches. In modern times we still have dog fighting but more recently we use women. Women don’t always want to fight so a promised meal for the victor after 3 days of starvation should be enough to get them hair pulling when you open their cages. To make it more interesting, some will pitch a woman against a pair of wild dogs but arm her with a rubber chicken to make the bout more even.

Bunny rating:

It’s a nice, warm, sunny day and you decide to sit out on the lawn for a naked sunbathe, a wank and a beer. Only problem is, one of the neighbour’s cats has shit all over the lawn. If you wanted shit on your lawn you would have got a fucking cat! It’s time to get your own back. Tempt the little bastard into your house with some food and throw the rodent in the microwave. Make sure you film the satisfying revenge-lolokaust that is about to transpire. Get your house slave to lick you out or whack yourself off as the microwave purrs round and the cat is jumping 360 degrees as smoke comes out of its ears. Burn this comedy classic to DVD and post it through the owner’s letterbox. With a bit of luck you might hear their screams as they watch your masterpiece unfold on their TV and laugh as you see them run into the street with their hands in their hair, tears streaming down their face, shouting who and why. Just make sure nobody sees you tossing your old microwave into the bin.

  Bunny rating: 

Pigeons are the scum of the animal kingdom and if you’re going to kill them, you might as well have fun. Capture one of these ‘sky rats’ and take it up to the top of a tower block. Now these things have an amazing capacity to swallow large objects into their gullet. Take a firework and carefully remove the charge, this should be contained in a neat little packet inside with a fuse coming out of it. The bird will swallow this charge without much encouragement because these creatures are like Jews, they consume anything and everything but just make sure the fuse end is stuck out of its beak slightly. Light the fuse and just as it takes, throw the filthy cunt off the top. It should glide downwards if you’re high enough and without warning, it will explode into a bloody rag of feather, skin and bones. The carcass will fall with a huge spray of blood which will hopefully land over a children’s playground and poison them all.

Bunny rating: 

I just love going to the zoo. It’s a great day out for all the family, especially in the middle of the night after the gates are shut. Why not break in and kill all the animals in the zoo. Inside should be some ferocious carnivores just ready to rip up those endangered albino penguins or maybe use a dead snake to hang a panda. Perhaps you could remove the head of a tiger and put it on the severed neck of a giraffe, just to fuck it up. Go into the bird house and break the necks of every single squawking parrot, pull their heads off and write ‘FUCK OFF CUNT!’ on the walls with their bloody necks. Whatever you do, make sure there’s a visual spectacle ready for the visitors in the morning after you leave, the kid’s will love it.

Bunny rating: 

 There are some quick methods of satisfaction that are highly recommended. Cats are a good object of abuse as they thrash and jump a lot when attacked. Try pouring hot cooking fat on its back and watch the creature howl and scream as the skin and fur sizzle. Unlike boiling water, cooking fat will hold its temperature  and will burn right through the skin. Another method is to pour petrol on it and set it on fire, a quick, cheap laugh for friends and family when you have them round for a BBQ. I guarantee the kids will love classic party tricks like that.

Bunny rating:

Gang attacking an animal is great fun. Form tight a circle and join arms with each other over your shoulders and lean in. The formation will be a bit like a rugby scrum. Place a dog in the middle and kick it when its back is towards you. Continue this until it just stops jumping round in circles. When it’s had enough, you must all stamp on its head until you cave its skull in. Place the dog on its owner’s doorstep, ring the doorbell and run off. You should all get a good laugh when the owner breaks down in tears.

Bunny rating: 

Cambodia and Vietnam are the homes of genocide and war. They are also countries where animals are there for your pleasures if you have the dollar. For the cost of $1 per bullet you can shoot off an M16 into a cow or better still, an RPG. We would recommend using the RPG as this means you don’t have to cook and steak your beef after slaughtering it. Kambol Shooting Range just outside Phenom Penh offers the cow option for $555 or for the same price you can toss a hand grenade into a flock of chickens. Mr Lan Kosal is an arms dealer there who will take good care of you.

Bunny rating: 

One annual stop for any animal pwner should be the Spanish ‘Blood Fiesta’. Every year during June, scattered around Spain, are the faptastic festivals where much pwnage is to be enjoyed. They usually last 3 days and regular attractions are the famous ‘bull run’ where a bull is chased down the main street and people throw darts at him. The men aim for the sensitive areas like the nose, eyes and balls. After a couple of hours when the bull is tired, they push him over, cut his bollocks off and then kill him. There are different features at different festivals and here are some of the things on offer:

• A goat is paraded in streets, before being thrown from the church tower in Manganeses de la Polvorosa.
• Chickens are hung from a line and decapitated by horsemen in Nalda.
• Pigeons and squirrels in clay pots are stoned in Robledo de Chavela.
• Live chickens hung from a line are hacked to pieces by blindfolded young girls with blunted swords in Tordesillas. (Hot)
• In Coria, a bull’s horns are set on fire as he runs through the town streets.

There are around 2000 festivals and at the bigger ones you can enjoy 2 bulls per day and indulge the other animal games using pigs, geese, ducks, donkeys, squirrels, rabbits, pigeons etc.

Bunny rating: 

We all like piano music don’t we? This royal Italian court certainly did in 1650! Athanasius Kircher invented the ‘cat piano’ to lift the spirits of a depressed prince. Different cats with different pitched meows were put into sections on the back of the piano and as the pianist hit the keys, a heavy lever would strike the cats tail causing it to yowl. Now that’s a fucking show.

Bunny rating: 

Have you heard the term ‘hunter gatherer’? Well that’s what humans naturally are. Don’t let those fucking hippies stuck in the 60’s tell you any different, our natural state is TO HUNT! Hunting is a fine art and starting with simple targets is the best way to get into this gentleman’s sport. An easy target is the duck pond where prey is easy to find. Make sure you take some friends for backup and some heavy weaponry in case your target becomes so close that they are a danger to you. The advantage of pond birds is they are used to humans so getting close shouldn’t be a problem. Once you’ve nailed the simple stuff then you can start thinking about hunting endangered species.

Bunny rating: 

PART 3: ANIMAL PRODUCTS

Beasts give us nice things like milk, cheese and eggs but also give us meat and furs too. Any animal is fair game for the dinner plate and some countries immerse themselves in the diversity of cuisine to the maximum. France and Korea are the two most adventurous carnivores which causes some controversy amongst people without a palette for fine food. Koreans like their dogs. It’s a Korean tradition to hang a dog up by it’s hind legs and beat it almost to death. The reason they do that is to tenderise the meat, as it can be a bit tough otherwise. Once softened up, they boil it alive to loosen the skin off the body and skin it alive to make sure the meat is fresh when it’s steaked and cooked.

Bunny rating:

The French are famous for their foie gras which is goose or duck liver, fattened by stuffing enormous amounts of corn down the fucker’s gut. It tastes wonderful, so smooth and silky without being heavy or dense. It’s made into a pate sometimes which the French are very proud of. Truth is, the Egyptians were making this 2500 years ago so fuck off you plagiarist, kike, art stealing faggots who lose at culture and war. Your country is overrun with spear chuckers anyway.

Bunny rating:

I hear the coast of Newfoundland and St Lawrence in Canada is nice between November and May. The fact that the seal clubbing season starts in these areas at that time of year might also be of interest. You will need a hakapik which has a hammer head on one side to crush its skull and a spike on the other side to drag the carcass. The hunt kills around 300,000 seals per year so that should be enough to satisfy anyone’s bloodlust. The benefits of the hunt are a lucrative fur and meat trade which exports around the world but more important than that is the chance to get your clothes painted with seal blood as you swing your weapon into its fucking head. I shit you not, you can actually book a clubbing trip with a tour company online. Now, where do I book?

Bunny rating:

On a cold day in the house there’s nothing better than a good pair of slippers. I must admit a liking to those bunny slippers with the cute face and floppy ears, here’s how to make them. Stick your hand up the asshole of a bunny, grab as much as you can and pull out its insides. Hollow the thing out and repeat the process on a second bunny. Wear on feet, nice and warm!

Bunny rating:

I’ve got a beautiful pair of BDSM whips with ivory handles, leather tassels, made from black rhino hide with panda bone tied into them for extra damage. All these products are on the ban list which makes these materials extremely expensive. If we were allowed to buy them, prices would come down because availability would dictate the market price. What we urge you to do is start buying these products which should bring the prices down. Here’s a short list of fine quality products we recommend.

• Beautiful tiger skin rugs.
• Classic ivory products.
• Delicious shark fin soup.
• Warm seal skin gloves.
• Sensual white rhino aphrodisiac.
• Luxurious coats made from snow leopards.

Bunny rating:

Niggers are father down the evolutionary chain to humans. They are slightly more intelligent than monkeys, meaning they can be trained to do manual work. As time goes on, fuel will either run out or become too expensive. Soon, the nigger will be our mode of transport as the price of a KFC compared to a tank of petrol will make them more cost effective. It has been proven that feeding two niggers a family bucket of chicken can get you about 100 kilometres. Petrol stations are already being developed with this new, green technology in mind.

Bunny rating:

PART 4: SEXYTIME

We covered dogs in our zoophilia guide but horses can be a great lay too. To fuck a stallion you need to smell like a mare. Go to a mare, dip your finger in its foof and get the aroma on you by spreading it on your skin. Approach the stallion slowly and give him a whiff of the juices from the mare which should be enough to give him a rock on, be careful though, they can get a bit excited and twitchy at this point and kick you so stay away from the back end. Now you must de-scale his cock because it will be dry and flaky, you don’t want dead skin in your fuckbox. Now get under him so he can be pump away. There’s a good chance you will end up like Mr Hands if you are a beginner so take it easy, especially if his arm sized pork sword is in your ass. Here are some tips and things to remember.

• Wear a hard hat.
• Wear steel toe boots.
• Use gallons of lube.
• He will high pressure ejaculate up to 5 feet.
• Take a friend.
• Make sure your hole can fit a fist size object.
• Don’t let him kick your fucking head inside out.

Bunny rating:

A good dildo will keep a girl occupied for hours. Some dildos take batteries and vibrate or move but imagine a live one that moves without pattern or predictability, yes, what you need inside you is a snake. Be careful what kind of snake you use because getting bitten on the tit as a rattle snake fucks you is no fun. Make sure its not going to bite, poison, strangle you and ultimately kill you.

Bunny rating: 

Farm animals can provide some fun. Pigs are funny to watch when trying mounting a girl but getting ‘porked’ isn’t easy. Their dicks are thin like pencils and the hog is a heavy animal when it mounts so take care. Goats are another crap penis breed of farm beast so don’t expect much action from them either. Chickens are a source of fantastic sexual pleasures. For the ladies they are a waste of time but a guy can have much pleasure. Lift the chicken up with its wings and basically lower it onto your throbber, pulling it back and forth along your shaft. Much flapping will occur which should increase your enjoyment. After about 2 minutes the flapping will stop because its insides will rupture so throw it on the floor and start again with another chicken. When ready to ejaculate, fire your baby batter over the pile of dead chickens, it’s nearly as good as splooging over your mom’s tits.

Bunny rating: 

Who hasn’t heard of the hamster asshole idea? No? Let’s refresh our memories. You quite simply stick a round tube up your ass and send a hamster up. When it’s crawled in, you pull the tube out and enjoy. Maybe go for a run or jump around the room to get it moving and scratching. Unless you want to risk damage to your bowels, we’d suggest pulling it’s claws out first.

Bunny rating: 

Violence towards animals is sexually exciting so why not cut the head off a kitten and finger yourself off as you shit on its severed head? Maybe bounce up and down on a dude’s meatpole as you strangle the dog or have a threesome with your kid’s budgie and the rabbit. Whatever kind of animal you torture, rape or kill, just make sure you squeeze one off afterwards.

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CONCLUSION

People get glass in their ass when it comes to animal rights but what ever happened to the rights of humans to use animals as the resource they were meant as? The animal trade feeds us, keeps us warm, entertains us, gives us sexual pleasure and generates billions of dollars of trade and industry.

It’s very easy to start wearing sandals, listening to John Lennon and growing your hair so you can start bleating on about animal rights like a fucking sheep. To anyone who is still unsure about where they stand on this issue, we’d recommend beating a puppy to death with a dead cat to work up an appetite, then eating some seared foie gras on a bed of spinach with a balsamic vinaigrette, followed by some dog porn. We’d suggest treating yourself to a black and white Chinchilla fur coat which uses about 150 animals pelts to make! Endulge yourself on these things and THEN tell us animals are not worth exploiting. As for the animal rights movement, Peta and the other god damn hippies, well, give them a taste of battery farming, use them like animals, FUCK ANIMAL RIGHTS!

THIS GUIDE HAS THE JAIME FERRERO AVILA INTERNATIONAL CAT KILLER SEAL OF APPROVAL!

Project director:

Jewdozer

Text written by:

Jewdozer

Additional text by Cargoler Psicodèlic

Art by:

Ajaa

Jewdozer

Cargoler Psicodèlic

Homodozer

Piestar

Trevor Fitzroy

Xamllew

Special frame:

Cargoler Psicodèlic

93 animals were harmed in the making of this guide.

INTRODUCTION

Welcome to the Valentines Day special from the LOLOKAUST!
To get you hopeless romantics in the mood for love, we present to you the 7th MSpaint guide to getting laid. We are going to break this down in clear, easy to read sections to help you get in the mood for what you must do. Read on and win at life.

PART 1: THE PRESSURE
BUILDING UP TO THE MAGIC MOMENT

IN THE NEED

Men are very simple creatures. There are three things a man needs to keep him happy, the three F’s: fighting, fucking and feeding. If a guy can do all three at once you have a very happy man. It’s a bit like the caveman mentality when dealing with the opposite sex. Too often, men try to disguise their intentions to a woman by spewing verbal bullshit to get her into bed. At the Lolokaust we always cut through the bullshit and give you what you want, WHAT YOU FUCKING NEED! Read on.

THEY ALL DESERVE THE SHIT

Joey is a 42 year old computer engineer. He has no friend’s and no relatives. His only hobby is IRC chat and searching porn on the internet. He has never met a woman in his whole life, even though there are women in his company, he is full of hate and he has the need to fuck a woman. In his desperation he only sees one solution.

PICKING YOUR TARGET

This needs to be chosen wisely. Professions are something to take into consideration. A popular fuckbuddy of choice is a nurse, they are good with their hands and know how to please. They also work quite late which means enticing them into the back of your van should be easier under the cover of darkness.

PART 2: METHODS AND MAYHEM
ENJOYING EACH OTHER

TRICKS OF THE TRADE

Persuading your partner can be a challenge. A little chemical help is sometimes needed. One of our regular guide subscribers related how he helped some sweetmeat to do the right thing by slipping a little benzodiazepine into her drink. Just as she was about to pass out, he took her away from the party to a hotel room, some miles away. He was able to get her in the room, throw the cunt on the bed and pump her gash with his meatfeast. After a while she woke up to find a total stranger stuffing his manmeat up her shitbox. He fled the scene immediately; leaving tasty little sugartits without her clothes, a phone, money or a fucking clue where she was or who had just been inside her! LOLLOOOLOLOOOLLLOOLLOOL.

SUPPRESSING  RESISTANCE

Sometimes they can get a bit feisty or resistant. In such cases you have to create a diversion. For instance, a person with his leg hanging off after being hit by a bus will not be too concerned with his sniffling cold. You must use this principle when calming down your target. Perhaps if you bite a chunk out of her cheek and spit it back in her face, she will be more concerned with stopping the bleeding than preventing you putting your lust inside her.

DRILLING THROUGH YOUR BODY

It’s important to get the most out of your partner. You want them to be intensely affected by this invasion so heavy breathing in their ear and kissing them so hard it hurts is important. Regular eye contact also affects them in a long lasting way, they will never forget you. Whispering sweet nothings in their ear sets the mood, “fuck with me cunt and I’ll knife you” is very romantic. Tying their hands behind their back is sometimes a good idea. Thrashing around can be a good ride but a still subject will allow you to thrust deeper. When pumping the pussy, imagine you’re drilling for oil, the rougher you are, the bigger the man you are and blood on your peepee is win. What about condoms? These stop us transmitting sexual diseases and block pregnancy so why bother? Besides, the feeling of your penis rubbing the walls of a girls vagina as she screams for help is very arousing.

MY SISTER IS MY BEST FRIEND

I can remember when my mother brought my sister home. I was only five but I knew even then that I would be inside her one day. I used to watch her get changed through the crack in the door, I mean if she didn’t want it, she would have shut the door, right? It was the first time our parents went away without us and left us in the house, I was 22 and she was 17. The best thing was, I didn’t have to break into the house to get to her, I just had to make my move when she was asleep. I waited till night time and then pounced. When she woke up she was tied to the bed, gagged and was looking at a knife next to my throbbing cock. I cut her nose open and stuffed my fuck up her nasal cavity. There was some muffled noise coming from her, I can only guess it was words of gratitude.

TWO’S COMPANY, THREES A CROWD

Imagine three afro jungle bunnies raping a white woman whilst they eat her alive.
It’s a Ritual, celebrated to the God of Death, they believe if they don’t calm him by raping white women, a great terror will fall upon them. They use ropes on her arms, legs and mouth to subdue her. She’s almost impaled, and they rape her anal and vaginal territory. She screams and a young afro boy is watching all the action, he enjoys it.

GO FUCK YOURSELF

How many times have your advancements been met with “Go fuck yourself!” Well that’s not very nice so its your duty to teach her some manners and see how she likes fucking herself. Drag the cunt to somewhere private and make a slice round her face with a Stanley knife. Now peel the skin back, rip it off and wear it like a mask as you stick your pleasure in her. No bitch, you go fuck yourself!

BUM FUN

Ever had a fat dick stuffed up your shit tunnel? Better still, have you ever been the one pushing your pole up some dudes crack? This manoeuvre can be a difficult one because your target is more likely to overpower you and prevent you receiving what’s rightfully yours. You have to size up your sexual opponent. Ask yourself, if this means a bit of rough and tumble, will slapping this bitch around a little, subdue him enough to get some shit on my cock. If you can do it then fucking good for you faggot, we hope you die of aids.

MOM HERE I COME!

They say the bond between a mother and son is stronger than iron. I say six inches of my pumping love muscle up between her tits is the best night’s passion I’ve ever had. At a certain time in life you have to move your relationship up a gear. I had no idea if my mother was ready to enter into a sexual relationship with me but after I’d beaten her face in so badly where even I couldn’t recognize her, it didn’t matter because kissing my mother on her bleeding lips made the effort of raising my hand to her worth it. I can still taste the iron in her blood, it was wonderful.

YOUR FUCK IS A WEAPON

What was your childhood like? If it was anything like mine then we are talking finger, bum, bed if I was naughty. Don’t think that weak little urchin will stay that way. If you are a parent who is sneaking into the kid’s room for a quick pleasure session then remember these crimes will catch up with you later in life. Revenge tastes so sweet, especially when it’s been brewing up for years, child abusers take note!

SAFE SEX

Sometimes after a night of fucktastic action they will act bizarrely, even going to the police for some odd reason. Practice safe sex, yes, remove all body hair and burn it. Police will attempt to get a DNA match from your cock hairs that might have fallen into her minge. Another precaution is to rip her fingernails out with some pliers to stop any of your skin DNA being collected. This will cause much pleasure, well, for you anyway because to you her screams will be like lullabies to an infant. After hair and nails have been disposed of, make her take a shower with you to ensure everything is clean. This is very erotic when you are wiping her clit with drain cleaner and holding a knife to her throat in the shower. Alternatively stab her to death and burn the body.

REVENGE

Sometimes you guys might get a bit more than you bargained for. In one case reported, the girl gained the upper hand. The man had got her on the floor with a knife to her throat but the girl appeared to be enjoying herself. Upon seeing this, he decided to put the knife down and pump away. Just as he was about to shoot his load up her box, he put his head back, shut his eyes and gave out a moan which ironically became his death rattle. The fucking sly bitch took the knife and cut his dick off whilst it was still inside her. Upon severing his lovetool she stood back and watched a huge spray of blood and semen. As he wormed around in his own fluids, she calmly walked off to the nearest police station with his severed cock inside her, as evidence of his unlawful entry.

POWER IN NUMBERS

It’s always harder for the ladies to subdue a potential target due to us guys being physically stronger. If a girl tries to rape a guy, assuming he doesn’t want it / is a faggot, then she will probably get her face caved in. This is where friends and body fat come in. As long as you and your co conspirator can get hold of him then all should be dandy. Use your body weight to drag him to the ground. Sit on his face whilst eating junk food for extra pleasure, just don’t expect him to get a stiffy. Popular late night hunting grounds are kicking out time outside nightclubs, taxi drivers and parks. If you jump a dude in a park at least his dog might gobble him off as you sit on his face. Perhaps go to the toilet on him when you’ve finished.

FRONT ROW SEAT

Those newly weds look so happy. Why not pay them a personal visit to offer your congratulations. Break into the house and knock him out. Strip his clothes off, tie him up and throw him on the bed. Now get his sweetheart, throw her on top of him and fuck that meatpie’s box and fire your child up her. Hopefully her screams will bring him back round to enjoy the show from the best seat in the house.

PART 3: THE AFTERMATH

LEAVING THEM WITH GIFTS, I HAVE AIDS

You have now had a very intimate experience with someone. This person might try and move on with their life and forget about you afterwards, we can’t let that happen, to ruin a life, is to win at life. The best thing you can do is give them your baby and, or aids. A baby is perfect because every time they look at this child, the memories of your crazed eyes staring them in the face as you invade their snatch will haunt them every day, especially if the bastard child has it’s dad’s eyes.

DEALING WITH THE COPS

Cop: “What were you thinking during your first Crime? Did you have any feeling’s at all?”

Joey: When I made out with the first girl, I instantly noticed I fucking LOVE to dominate that whining bitch and the more she cries, the more I have to beat her.

Joey: First I was shocked about my feelings but then I noticed… It’s the nature of Man… I have the need to violate… I have the need to satisfy my animalistic instinct to fuck her to death. This may be shocking for you but I think even your husband has those feelings Detective Karlsen.

Cop: “I won’t talk about my Personal Life in here Mr. Jason. Instead let’s talk about what you have done to all those poor Women.

Joey: Well, I usually used the newspapers to make contact, I’ve written a small ad saying: “Cheap Cloth designs – Call 691 488 666″ and started waiting… The first good meat usually appeared after 1 or 2 weeks… I hate telling you this but I only get hard by unnatural Big Tits.

Joey: Well, there she was on the parking lot I told her to meet me on: “Emmingstreet Parking Slot 6″… I… I just smashed her face with my fist during the first 5 minutes and then took her clothes off.

Joey: Some of my meat was K-O’d after the punching, but not with my first one, she was crying and asking why I was doing this to her,  I didn’t answer, I was too occupied with getting her clothes off and getting her to the Van I’d prepared some Meters away.

Cop: “What happened Inside the Car Mr Jason?”

Joey:I started beating her again, I fucked her twice… and then I cut her titties off.

IN CONCLUSION

Well there we have it boys and girls. I hope, like all our guides, you read this and make some practical use of the information we have given you. Not all agree with our ‘no bullshit’ approach to such delicate subjects. To our critics, well, its been a pleasure doing business on you.

Project director:

Jewdozer

Text written by:

Jewdozer

with additional content by: 33a3

Art by:

Ajaa

33a3

Jewdozer

Piestar