My sexual adventures
have always been quite unusual. The stereotypical boy meets girl, takes her
back to his place and fucks her has never quite worked out for me. This next
story is a typical sexual experience that didn’t go the way I expected.
Last week I was invited
to my friend’s birthday night in a bar where we were all expected to either,
make our excuses and fuck off home early or, get totally loaded and lose
control. Being the man of excess that I am, I decided to go for the latter.
One good thing about these kinds of nights is you meet people you haven’t seen
in a while and one person who was there was my friend’s sister, who I had
always wanted to fuck but never did because fucking your friend’s family is
wrong, unless it’s their gran.


They say the golden rule for casual sex is
‘never fuck a friend’. I’ve always lived by that rule and it’s served me well
but if it’s someone you don’t really see anymore, it kind of doesn’t apply. At
the bar we were all working our way around each other, re-introducing
ourselves to acquaintances who were either pretending they remember you from
that last forgettable “hello, I’m so and so’s friend” or avoiding contact with
any strangers by sticking as close to friends as possible. I was feeling
sociable on this particular night and made sure I didn’t take too long to meet
up with my friend’s sister Sarah for a good old catch up.


There’s a few tips that I always use and work by when
I’m interested in someone.

1. If it’s someone you know from the past, greet them with a kiss and a hand
on their side. Some say this is creepy but if they are even remotely
interested its first base.

2. Tell them they haven’t changed a bit from 4 years ago when you saw them
last and that they are looking great.

3. Relate 1 or 2 funny stories that they will have probably forgotten which
will remind them of happier times. Regardless of how happy they are now, they
will look back on the past as ‘the golden years’ if your ‘story from past’
brings back a forgotten memory that warms their insides.

The rest is down to charm and circumstance.


Seriously now, Sarah was always a fine looking girl who
kept herself in great shape but her problem was, she knew it. She lived a
hollow life of self obsession but from what I heard she was a fantastic fuck
and I just had to find out if this was true or if it was the usual macho
bragging from her fuckbuddies. Only one thing was really bothering me, her
brother. If he found out I was hitting on his sister then he would be pretty
fucked off with me and friends are always more important than a quick bit of
‘in out, in out’.


The drinks were flowing as the night wore on and I
was smart enough to drink the weakest beer in the joint, I was going to stay
sharp. We laughed and talked all night, things were going really well. After a
while, one of the guys came over and told us that in two minutes we were
moving down the block to the next bar. Half of our party had gone home by now
and the remaining half were the all nighters who were out for a bar crawl. I
was out for a drink but my vice was slightly different from the others, she
was going to be naked in my bed tonight either of her free will or with a
fucking knife to her throat.



It was one of those moments next where we had, well
she had, well she claimed to have totally lost all track of time. The bar was
calling last orders and it was nearly kick out time. Here we were, it was make
or break and you know exactly how good your chances are just by looking at
their face when the moment of decision comes. I took a look at her and I could
see she was mine. I suggested we shared a taxi home to split the cost and that
I would get out first, due to her living further outside the city. She agreed
to this taxi arrangement, she was definitely getting fucked tonight. As the
taxi pulled away I remarked how much fun the night had been and that seeing
her again made me very happy, I got the ‘fuck me eyes’ and made my move, I
started kissing her. The taxi driver had the best seat in the house and we put
on a hell of a show.


 As the taxi pulled up outside my
place, I literally threw some cash at him, stumbled out of the taxi and
dragged her behind me through my front door. We virtually ripped each others
clothes off, I slammed her against the wall and sank my teeth in her neck.
This was not going to be a nice, gentle experience, it was animalistic, almost
violent and it was clear that in the morning we would be mopping up the blood
and nursing our wounds. I pulled her into the bathroom and pinned her against
the tiled wall under the shower. My rapemeat was so hard it hurt so I lifted
her onto my throbbing cock and bust her pussy, her legs were wrapped around my
waist as we devoured each other.


I washed her pussy and the fun and games
carried on in the bedroom. She kept slapping me so I pinned her to the bed
with my weight, spat at her and sank my throbber in her again, the fighting
stopped. After a good 15 minutes I whispered in her ear “I’m going to flip you
over in a moment and give you something special”. This was where I got my
first stop sign. It seemed that she wasn’t into getting her asshole stuffed
with lust. I wanted to leave two bruises where my balls would bang against her
ass, I wanted to buttfuck her from the front so I could see the tears of pain
roll down her face. I felt deflated, disappointed and began to lose interest
fast so things gradually calmed down to a stop.


We laid there for a while and talked about the issue
of telling people, I mean everybody knew us but not together. It became clear
quickly that it wasn’t anything serious on either side and really had no need
to be told to anyone. She was basically a piece of meat and I was the same to
her, it wasn’t long before she fell asleep. It bothered me that I hadn’t
managed to go up all her holes, I’d been in her mouth and snatch but it was
her shitbox I really wanted to bust, shit on my penis would be pwnage! I
decided at this point to play a naughty little trick on her.



In my bedside table was my
condoms, a pencil and a head torch, which I used for power cuts. She was fast
asleep and the only thing that would wake her, would be a bomb so I put the
torch on my head, grabbed the condom, the pencil and slid under the sheets.
Fortunately she was laying on her side with her ass facing me which made my
mission of pwnage easier. I placed the pencil inside the condom and directed
the torch beam at her gloryhole. I parted her shitlips and slowly started
feeding the condom into her anus. Because the pencil was so thin, she didn’t
seem to feel it enough to wake, or so I thought. The plan was to leave it
stuck up there till the morning. She was supposed to wake up and find it
hanging out of her ass which I would have found hilariously funny. She
wouldn’t know either way, due to the hangover, whether or not she let me fill
her ass with fuck or not.


Things took a dark twist.
Just as I was about to slide the pencil out of her ass, she decided to fucking
turn in her sleep.There was about six inches of pencil up there when she did
this. All I heard was this almighty scream as the pencil snapped………OH
What happened next was so funny. She lept out of bed like a man on fire with
blood coming out of her backside, I was killing myself laughing. “WHAT THE
FUCK HAVE YOU DONE TO ME?!!” she screamed. “You had better come here and bend
over” I replied, “I seem to have lost my pencil you dumb cunt”. If she had
just laid still, everything would have been fine. “WHAT?! WHAT? WHAT THE
FUCK?” I held up the broken end of the pencil and said “assume the position
mother fucker LOL”. Fortunately the end was quite visible and I simply held it
and pulled it out with the condom. She slapped me across the face.


She frantically started
putting her clothes on and just continued swearing at me as I masturbated.
“YOU MAKE ME FUCKING SICK YOU NASTY BASTARD” she said. “You still owe me for
half of the taxi you miserable bitch” I replied. She slammed the door and went
down stairs, she was gone.


Well it was now about 4am so
I decided to do some drugs………


One thing I’ve learned about
drugs in my life is you always need to have as many kinds around as possible.
No experience is ever complete unless you can alter it even further depending
on your mood. As the bitch was gone, I decided I needed something to finish
off my masturbation with a bang. So naturally I grabbed some coke and mixed in
a little mescaline for the funny shapes. You may say, “Sir, mescaline is taken
orally.” I will say to you that you don’t know what the hell you are talking
about and if you aren’t open to new experiences then don’t mix stimulants and
psychedelics inside your nose.


Obviously the mescaline was
riding along a bit slower than Mr. cocaine and as I felt the surge of energy
hit me, my masturbation turned a bit angry and waywards. With the memory of
the bloody pencil/condom fresh in my head I decided it was time for some self
mutilation. You might not think a Q-tip could cause much harm to your
person… not until you dip it in hydrogen peroxide and stick the filthy
motherfucker in your pee hole.


I was riding pretty high now
with the tip of my penis burning like a dragon and my hand jacking it as hard
as possible with the coke fuelling the mad ride. I knew now that if I blew my
load I would probably pass out or at least hurt myself, falling to the floor
so somehow, I managed to back
off on the meat-beating speed and maintain an even keel. Of course that was
about the time that Mr. mescaline showed up.


I really hadn’t anticipated
burning my urethra with the peroxide so when the fun hit and began bringing
my senses up, the pain in my penis began to go beyond fun masochism and into
that other kind of masochism, the kind that brought about the use of safe
words. Nothing visual was occurring yet so I took this as my cue to find a new
drug to throw in my melting pot/head. Of course the only thing for this
occasion was the horse.


I needed relief and I needed
it fast. And yes I was FUCKED UP. There is no other explanation for injecting
heroin into your penis. There are all those big prominent veins and obviously
they can pump some motherfucking blood. But if any of you are biology buffs
(or read much about sex) you’ll know that the penis maintains it’s stiffness
by constricting the blood vessels and preventing the bright red stuff from
leaving the cock. I knew this in theory, but at the moment it honestly did not
occur to me.


A few minutes later the
mescaline was really beginning to work. I managed to stab the penis right in
it’s relative mainline. Considering the circumstances it both hurt like hell
and I didn’t feel a thing. I imagined the steel tip of the syringe bending and
hauling ass up the turn pike of my urethra. Of course nothing of the sort
happened, but the feelings broadcasting from my head, left room for
interpretation. The coke was wearing off. I managed to lean myself up against
the wall just as my penis began to talk.



 I did not feel the H at all
and it slowly dawned on me that my penis was riding the horse on his own. He
was fucked up and keeping it to himself. The heroin was making him lose his
stiffness though, and that was not what I had worked so hard to accomplish! If
he lost his composure I was going to be laying in the floor with no
satisfaction. There was really only one thing to do. Amphetamines. In my
ball sack.


My plan at this moment was
ridiculous but I knew that it would work if I acted fast. If the amphetamines
dissolved in my semen and I managed to masturbate fast enough to bring the cum
into my dick, I could stimulate him enough to bring about the sexual
masterwork I desired. I needed to work fast because before long I would not be
able to tell my penis from the growing sickle cell anaemia trees that were
building their cities nearby. They had taken slaves from the nearby watering
hole and college, fresh young shit tits that had been scoring ludicrous
amounts of points in a game of volleyball. With a large labour force, the
sickle cells would be able to discover what was wrong with their catapults far
quicker than I could finish putting up my car seat (aka
cumming C-U-M it’s spelled mommy not C-O-M-E you dumb CUNT).


The bastards were loading up
their catapults with my sleeping pills. I knew what they wanted and that was
me DEAD. I took hold of my ball sack and squeezed it like a faggots hand.
There was no time to masturbate the semen into my shaft, I needed it there
now. I needed those uppers in my dick before those fucking piss-cocks got
their weapons of war trained. I was not going to fail and somehow I knew that
if I blew my load, it would wipe out the entire fucking lot. They would never
survive the cummie poopy mess that I was about to install. Just as I felt I
was really getting close to finishing this before it escalated, I realized I
had ruptured my ball sack and my hands and legs were being soaked in my own
blood/cum. They were pulling the wool over my goddamn eyes! Those fucking
twirled up fruit substitutes had joined in an alliance with the fucking sickle
cells and the worst part was, they had the fucking codes to the missiles!
Catapults were bad but JESUS H GODDAMN CHRIST now it was all over. I was
literally standing there trying to keep my nuts from hitting the floor.


Art, Part 1 text


Part 2 text