Suicide Guide


Welcome to the 5th Lolokaust guide in MS Paint! Do you feel lonely and
abandoned in this cruel world? Can’t bear the negative parts of your life
anymore? Feel like you have no purpose in this senseless world? Does it seem
that no one understands you? Don’t know how to go on with this life? There
is a solution for ALL your problems – suicide! That’s right, this guide will
help you find the best way to end your miserable little life. Read on to
find out which way suits you best.




Suicide is not a joke, although you can still have fun committing it. Still,
you can’t just simply kill yourself without thinking about how you’re going
to do it. To go out in style you need to prepare properly because naturally
you want to leave a shocking impression amongst the people witnessing your
death and the people hearing about it.


There are basically four things you need to have checked before committing

  • Find out which method you prefer. for a good place where your body will easily be found or where there’s
    a big crowd of people who can witness your, hopefully, spectacular death.
  • Be sure to provide yourself with all the equipment you’ll need.
  • Write a super serious death note that will put everybody’s teeth on edge and
    shows that you really went out in style

There are a lot of different suicide methods. Some of them might end in a great bloody mess
shocking a huge amount of people while others might be more silent,
sometimes keeping your rotting corpse unnoticed for several years until they
will be found by an innocent elderly woman with a small dog.

To evaluate the
methods, we developed a rating system and these badges:





The methods get rated
with 0 – 5 points in 4 different categories which get summed up in the
overall rating. Categories will be rated from the standpoint of someone who
wants little pain, a quick death and little effort and expenses as well as a
high impact.





So the emo music
you’re listening to tells you your life is crap and that it should come to
an end soon? Or you just can’t live with your mother anymore and the only
way to escape from her is to kill yourself? Then all you need is a strong

What you need to know is how to tie a noose. This next illustration will
give you the idea of how to do it:


Now you just need to
tie the end of the rope around some high and strong object, stand on a
chair, put the noose around your neck and push the chair away with your

Note: It is said that the lack of oxygen increases the sexual pleasure. Some
observations in the past showed that sometimes the victims had erection and
ejaculated when they were hanged. That means you might gain a benefit from
hanging yourself by having an orgasm right before the very last breath you

TIME: 405
Depends on your neck
– if your attempt at breaking your neck is successful this will be done very
fast. If your neck doesn’t break in the first second it will take some
minutes for you to suffocate.

PAIN: 405
If your neck breaks,
you’ll be dead on a place so you won’t feel anything. Otherwise the only
pain will be caused from the rope rubbing your neck.

A rope or a wire.

Costs: They don’t cost much. You should check your local supply store for
these things.


Very little – no
gore, only family members and police might see your corpse. You can only
hope that you’ll shit yourself when hanging but for bigger impact you can do
it over the internet.

Classic and still quite common. And everyone knows today’s emos like to stick with the



Can’t live on with being ridden by the guilt of fucking your own mother? Shooting yourself in
the head could be a good way to settle your bad conscience.

There are many ways and places to shoot yourself. Also there is a broad
variety of firearms offering different effects. Shotguns, which you can even
improve by sawing them off, for example, allow you to totally devastate the
part of your body you shoot at, leaving the biggest Shocker-effect. If you
use a rifle or a machine gun, don’t forget to choose between hollow-point
and full-metal jacket bullets. For maximum devastation we suggest
hollow-point ones, although you might then need multiple shots out of your
gun instead of only one.

For a quick death we suggest you to aim at the head or the heart. You can
also shoot yourself just somewhere in the stomach (caution: avoid wounding
the gallbladder unless you’re a pain-loving slow-dying wannabe

One of the greatest methods of shooting yourself in the head is to stand
with your back against the wall (you can also stand against the wall facing
it but we suggest you the first method because you want everyone to see your
dead face when they first come and see you or else you’ll be just laying
there with your face against the wall). Then simply place the gun at your
head (make sure the bullet will go in the direction of the wall) and pull
the trigger. The wall will be beautifully splattered with your blood.

    TIME: 505

Depends on the body
part you’re wounding.

Head, heart: as soon as you pull the trigger you’re dead.

Stomach: it might take hours for you to bleed to death. Also this increases
the pain factor.


If done right, there
is usually not much pain so this method is suitable for those who seek a
fast, painless death. However, if you use hollow point ammunition or if the
first bullet doesn’t kill you it can get very, very bad.


Any kind of firearm.

Costs: if you buy a used weapon and cheap ammunition it might cost not less
than $100, if you like quality you will need about 10 times as much money.
Also watch out that your local laws allow you to have a weapon or this could
get complicated or you will have to visit your local black market.


For a bigger effect
we suggest you to choose the method standing against the wall and then
shooting yourself using a sawed-off shotgun or multiple shots involving
hollow-point bullets.


Kurt Cobain did it, some Nazi generals (allegedly) did it, why wouldn’t you want to do it?



Preparing for this
method is quite easy. All you need is any kind of highly flammable liquid
and a fire resource. First you’ll have to soak yourself with the flammable
liquid. You can do that by pouring it all over your body or you can just
pour it on your head. Then you should go outside and look for a place full
of people. When you have found the right spot light yourself up and do
whatever you wanna do to gain attention. If you prefer to die alone we
suggest you to do it in a bathroom. You’ll just need to fill up your bathtub
with the flammable substance, dip in, light it up and have fun dying. Just
make sure you don’t burn the house.

 TIME: 305
It takes about ten
minutes to die.

PAIN: 005

You will suffer from
heavy body burns, also experience hyperthermia, hypovolemic shock or airway
burns which will cause suffocation. It is not recommended to wear synthetic
clothing since it melts very well causing enormous pain when gurgling onto
the skin.

Gasoline, rubbing
alcohol, petroleum (anything flammable), matches, lighter (any kind of fire

Costs: Because of the high fuel prices at the moment this could get a bit
expensive but it’s still quite affordable.


Just imagine their
shock when they’ll look at your terribly shrivelled body and wry their ugly
faces as the awfully disgusting stench fucks their noses making them throw
up. Spectacular…

Choose this if you
are bored of all those fast and boring methods.



This method can be
easily done for those who work in slaughterhouses, ice cream factories or
any other food production units since a large size refrigerator is needed.
All you have to do is just sneak in and hide behind a big piece of beef. You
can also freeze yourself using cold water, snow or ice but this can be done
only at the wintertime when the temperature is decently below 0°C. The
method is to break a hole in ice and dip into the cold water.

TIME: 005

It depends on the
location. It can take minutes, it can take hours. The lower the temperature
the faster you’ll die.

PAIN: 205

You will experience
hypothermia. When the body temperature starts to drop you will start
shivering, hands and feet will go numb, the blood vessels will contract, the
skin will become extra Aryan pale and you will experience major organ


A large refrigerator,
which you even don’t have to buy – just sneak in.

Alternative (done at wintertime): a heavy object for breaking the ice.


A frozen body is like
a sculpture, nothing shocking. There won’t be even a smell.


Not quite shocking
but definitely original. Choose this if you want something different from
the everyday usual methods.



This method has been
practiced since the explosives have been invented. It is very common in the
Middle East and quite popular for the suicide terrorists. The most important
thing in committing this method of suicide is to take action in a crowded
place like supermarket, school or airport. So put on your ghutra, bisht and
shaheed belt and go seek for a nice place to blow yourself up.

TIME: 505

It takes a second to
blow the shit up.

PAIN: 405

Depends on the
strength of the explosives. The pain might be terrible or not there at all.



Costs: very expensive – a big minus. You can also use homemade ones, but
they will take much time to make as well as effort to get all the chemicals
and learning to construct them.


A devastating Lolokaust!

At least you took
some of these fuckers with you, right?

SEPPUKU bm gois


Self extermination
form performed in ancient Japan by samurais. But the history of seppuku is
not what you need to know. You need to know how to do it. Basically it’s
cutting your belly open and letting your intestines fall out. Sit on the
ground, prepare the blade, plunge it into your stomach and cut by pulling it
from left to right.

TIME: 005

It’s like reading a
book by Goethe, it feels like it takes forever!

PAIN: 005

It might tickle a
little in the stomach area.


You need some
traditional Japanese clothing and a tantō – a special dagger, which was used
by samurais for accomplishing self extermination. If you don’t have this
special item, then steal it from a museum or some rich fuck who collects
these kind of things. But we’d rather suggest you using a boning knife, a
filleting knife or any other sharp knife that has a long blade and a short


This is the most
brutal and honourable death at the same time. A big win, although it


Only a true winner
would choose this.

CRUCIFIXION bm gois fs


If you’re a big fan
of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, then this one is for you. You should ask
yourself: “What would Jesus do?” That’s right, he would perform a satanic
ritual by nailing himself to a cross. But Jesus wasn’t smart enough to
figure out how to do it himself so he let others kill him. Obviously the
answer is not lying in the Bible so we are going to explain you how to nail
yourself to a cross yourself. This is one of the rare methods that takes a
lot of effort. So don’t bother with this unless you have a great patience.

So first of all you need a wooden cross that is a little less than two times
taller than you. Position the cross vertically on the ground, lock two bows
in a still position each one in front of the cross where your hands will be
placed, place the nails into the bows, pull the strings, attach them to a
still object (wall for example), place two candles under the strings and
light them up. Then put a huge ice cube by the cross, hop on, spread your
arms, place your hands in front of the bows and wait. When the candles will
have burnt the strings, the nails will pierce through your hands. What you
have left to do is wait until the ice cube under your feet melts.

  TIME: 005

You’ll just hang
there until you die which may take several days. But to make it quick you
can add the third bow and place it in front of your chest or head.

PAIN: 005

A stinging pain in
hands and feet. Afterwards you’ll die in a slow agonizing pain. It will sure
put your faith on a test.


A huge wooden cross,
two at least 6 inch nails, two bows or crossbows, two candles, a huge ice
cube. Borrow, steal or make those things yourself. We don’t care.


For bigger impact,
you can do all of this by turning the cross upside down. But one thing is
for sure – people will like it.


If you think it’s worth it then you can finally prove you are a true Christian!



Industrial accidents can cost a company many thousands of dollars. Most of us hate our
boss and the ungrateful company we work for. Manufacturing, industry and
especially food produce are perfect places to fuck up the production line by
killing yourself. Throwing yourself into a ripsaw or pulping yourself in a
soup machine should stop production for a while as investigation teams mop up
the mess and try and work out what went wrong. Die with a smug grin on your

TIME: 505

Quick if you choose right.

Depends again on how
quick it is.


The props should be available at
work, no problem there and it shouldn’t dent the bank balance.



The shock of your workmates will
be classic but you won’t be around to enjoy the misery.


Revenge is sweet and the
conscience of your boss should take a good beating. You show em’!



This method is quite
popular between women and celebrities. It’s simple, it’s easy and it doesn’t
take much effort. Go and take a look in the grandma’s medicine kit. There
definitely have to be kilograms of pills and shit. Don’t spend time on
reading the labels and expiry dates, take them all. If you don’t have any
pills at home, don’t spend money on buying them, choose another method of
suicide. Next step is simple: stuff as much as pills in you as you can. Just
swallow them all and drink some booze over them, it will fasten the whole
process. If your throat is so tender that you can’t swallow so many pills at
once then you can go with the “drug cocktail”. Simply put all the pills into
a blender and pour in some alcohol. Blend it and then drink it. You can also
overdose by injecting large amounts of heavy narcotics in your veins. Once
again – too much effort. We suggest sticking to the pills.

A few minutes.

Probable stomach ache
and vomiting. Nothing scary, you’ll just black out and won’t wake up again.

Drugs, pills,
medicaments, alcohol – you know where to get them.



Nothing special. It
will look like you’re sleeping.

Nothing complicated
since all the stuff needed you can find at home.



Remember the story
about Romeo and Juliet of how Romeo poisoned himself and Juliet stabbed her
till death? You could do the same by committing a couple-suicide. Either
both of you die in a same way, either each of you choose different methods.
Anyhow, the easiest way to poison yourself, is to find some strong cleaners
in your household like those which are used for toilet cleaning, take a
bottle and drink it. Try not to vomit. If you happen to vomit then simply
drink another bottle.

Couple of minutes and
you will be very dead.

You will experience
strong stomach ache, vomiting and/or spasms.

Anything toxic and
poisonous – cleaners, methanol, cyanide, arsenic, heavy metals etc.



A small impact. The
only disgust they might get is from your agonizing face expression or your
foaming mouth.

Perfect for
couple-suicides. Also, if you can’t find anything better than toilet
cleaners nearby.

Carbon monoxide inhalation goc


Simple – add a tube
to the car’s exhaust and put the other end of the tube in the salon through
the window. Then seal up the opening of the window so that no air could flow
outside the car. Do it by stuffing cloths in the gap and securing them with
a duck tape. Then get in the car, start the engine, close all the openings
and wait till the gas fills up the salon. However, if you don’t own a car,
you can use the alternative. You have to find a big traffic jam where all
the cars are standing still but their engines still running. Simply sneak
behind one car, suck on the exhaust and just breath in the fumes.

Depends how fast the
gas fills up the car salon.

PAIN: 505
No pain. You’ll just
fall into eternal sleep.

A car (better if the
car is old), a tube, a duck tape and some cloth.


The same as with the
drug overdose. It will look like you’re asleep.

A cheap method that
will never fail you.

EXPLODING bm gois fs

Try this: put a gas pipe up your ass, wait till the gas has filled your insides, open your mouth
and light up a match. Ok, if this didn’t work, then get some explosives. The
easiest for use would be a grenade so get it. What you have to do is put it
in your mouth and then pull the ring. How about taking some innocent lives
with you? For some fun you could go to a rollercoaster ride. When choosing
the seat, sit in the front car of the train. When the train starts moving
put the grenade in your mouth. It’s up to you when to pull the ring. Do it
whenever you feel like. You can also put the grenade up your ass. A sweet
“chocolate rain” will cheer your bored friends. You could also try
swallowing a dynamite and leaving the detonating cord outside of your mouth.
Then light it up and wait for the boom.   TIME:505
A second and you’re

PAIN: 405
You won’t feel
anything. The only thing you should worry about is that the explosives
you’ve stuffed up your butt hole are faulty and could seriously damage
everything down there instead of killing you. Be careful with your ass.

Grenades, dynamites,
etc. – all the small shit that can fit in your mouth or asshole.

A magnificently
devastating Lolokaust!

Stick to good quality
explosives and nothing will go wrong.



What you need to dois shut access to oxygen or block your airways. For this you can use aplastic bag.
Before putting the bag on your head check if there are no
holes. Then put it on your head and bind a duck tape around your neck to
prevent air from flowing into the bag. Another way to use a plastic bag is
pretty similar but instead of just suffocating from the lack of oxygen you
simply vomit while the bag is on your head and choke on your puke. To do
this put anything you find disgusting in the bag before putting it onto your
head. For example you can take a shit in the bag. Another way is to shit in
a plastic bag as much as it’s full of shit. It’s the best if your poop is
liquid and squirty. If you are shitting big lumps then shred them into
smaller pieces and add some urine to make the whole matter more liquid. Then
you hang the shit bag somewhere by the wall, connect a tube to another
plastic bag and put it on your head (don’t forget to seal the holes and
openings). Watch how the liquid is flowing through the tube into your bag
and slowly drowning you in shit. Another alternative: If you can reach your
penis with your mouth, you can suck on it, ejaculate in your mouth and choke
on your own cum. Done.

TIME: 205

About 7 – 10 minutes
to suffocate from the lack of oxygen. About 1 – 2 minutes to choke on

PAIN: 505

It’s absolutely
painless. But it might feel uncomfortable.


Basically a plastic
bag and duck tape.


If you do the
classical plastic bag suffocation method, then it’s boring. However, if you
choose our alternative methods then it’s a definite success.


Suitable for everyday
normal average people.



Find some good height
like a building or a cliff or any other high place. If you choose jumping
from a building you should jump at least from the fourth or higher floor
otherwise you’ll end up with broken legs, arms, ribs or in the worst case a
broken spine which will lead to a paralysis for life. So if you’re afraid
from the heights then don’t try this method. The best way is to jump with
your head first. You’ll hit the ground with your head which will lead to
instant death. It is also important that the ground you’re going to hit has
a hard surface. Jumping from a building is classical but you can also try
jumping from a cliff. For example, if your friends have invited you to
mountain climbing, it’s a great opportunity to take them with you. Usually
they would connect each other with a rope tied around the waist when
climbing in mountains. So it’s better if you are at the end of the line
cause nobody will notice you. You’ll just wait for the best moment and then
jump. As you fall down the cliff you will drag your buddies with you.
Another method is jumping out of a plane and trying to hit other skydivers
or fly into their parachutes. Taking innocents with you is always a good
thing to do.


Some people say that
you die while you fall and just when you hit the ground you’re already dead.
Anyways, as soon as you hit the ground you’re dead.


This is one of the
quick deaths which brings no pain. You won’t feel a thing.


No equipment needed.


If you choose jumping
from a cliff while climbing mountains or jumping out of a plane without
using a parachute, it might look as an accident not a suicide. The higher
place you choose to jump off the bigger the mess. You can hope for a smashed
head, brains, lots of blood and shit.


Classic, effective,
costless and fast way to die.

  bm goc


Go to a railway
station and wait. When you see the train coming, quickly get naked and just
when the train is about to approach the station shout and jump in front of
it. It is important to get as much attention from the people around as you
can. You can also go to a highway and just try getting to the other side
while running into cars. Or you can just stand by and when a big truck is
coming simply jump in front of it. Or if you happen to be a soldier in a
battlefield, seek for a tank that’s coming into your way and simply lay in
front of it and feel the caterpillar treads going over your cracking bones.
You can also jump in front of a plane or just get sucked into its turbine.

Usually it all
happens fast but it depends on the speed of the vehicle.

Although it happens
very fast, there will be enough time to savour all the bone breaking pain.
It can be painless if you break your skull or spine in the first second. It
can also be painful if only one part of your body gets under the wheel and
you get smeared against the asphalt.

No additional
equipment is needed.


Flying body parts, brains smeared on the road, intestines scattered around,
splattered blood and all the other shit you can imagine.


A very colourful adventure.



You’ll need a car but
you can use a motorbike, too. No matter if you can drive it or not, you just
need to get it on the road. Get in, don’t forget not to buckle up and drive
full speed down the highway. Once you see another car coming towards don’t
hesitate to crush into it. Instant death guaranteed. If you want some more
adrenaline you should steal a school bus and simply drive it off the cliff
taking as many innocents with you as possible. Oh, and don’t be afraid to
hit some pedestrians in your way, too. Driving around and hitting people is
sure lot of fun.


Actually depends on
you. Take your time. Just drive around and have some fun.

Might hurt only for
less than a second right before your body gets crushed.

Any kind of vehicle.


The old classic
scenery – brain on the car’s windshield, blood splattered all over the
seats, body parts scattered around. As usual.

You can still have
some fun before leaving this world.



If you are fat, lazy
and love to eat then this one is for you. To commit this suicide you won’t
even have to move around or leave the house. You just sit back on your
couch, turn on the TV and start loading up yourself with food. You will
probably suffocate or explode from the large amounts of food you take.

TIME:  005

Actually depends on
the size of your stomach. The bigger it is the more time you’ll need to fill
it up.

PAIN: 205
You will possibly
experience heavy stomach ache, occasional vomiting and shitting. If you need
to shit or vomit do it right on the spot.

Lots of food. The
amount depends on the size of your stomach. We recommend fatty and junk
foods like pizza, hamburgers, pasta, bacon, lots of lots of fat.

Costs: depends on the amount of food + home delivery. For cheaper costs we
suggest ordering fast foods.


The impact is that
they will have to call for a truck to transport your fat stinky corpse to
the morgue (we assume that you are fat cause a normal person wouldn’t choose
this kind of suicide) + a custom sized coffin. There also will be lots of
shit and vomit and you will be floating in your body fluids.

This will only show
how much you loved to eat.



Don’t be afraid to
combine this method with overfeeding. When you feel like you can’t hold it
any longer take as much diarrhoea pills as you can. The more you take the
better. This will cause enormous exploding diarrhoea. This means your body
will lose lots of water and you will start to dehydrate. The big amount of
dehydration will lead you to death.

The alternate name for this suicide is “The Shredded Asshole”.

TIME: 005
It is believed that a
human can live up to seven days without water. So if you drink no water and
shit all the shit out it will take about a week.

PAIN: 005
Imagine a bomb
exploding in your anus. Yes, it will be very painful.


Diarrhoea pills;
available at any pharmacy.


There will be so much
faeces that you will float in the liquid sea of excrements. There also will
be blood cause the exploding diarrhoea will shred your anus apart. The
terrifying smell will scare people away yet you will look awesome.

“The Shredded
Asshole” won’t fail you.



A method that many
emos have approved nowadays. Cutting your wrist takes only a second – very
easy. For a slower death you should cut your veins. However, if you want to
die faster you should cut your arteries. Cut either your wrists (veins) or
neck (arteries).

TIME: 005
If you cut your vein
instead of artery it takes so much time that you can manage doing something
useful whilst bleeding. For example take your dog out, or watch television,
or masturbate, or do anything you want but remember – the more you’ll move
around the faster you’ll bleed.

PAIN: 405
It hurts only when
you cut your wrist. The rest is just a peaceful waiting. For some more pain
and originality you can chop your whole hand off.


A sharp razorblade.
It’s the classic you can buy almost at any store. However if you want to be
more original you can use different blades or sharp objects like knives,
broken glass or mirror, nails, barbed wires, axes, chainsaws, etc.


Nothing special since
this method of suicide is very common these days. To make it a bit more
special you can use your blood to write an emotional message on the wall.

Due to the stereotype
of emos using this method we wouldn’t suggest using it unless you want
everyone else to think that you were a whiny emo douche-fag.



Fill your bathtub
with water. While the water is filling in go and find an electric device in
your household. It can be a toaster, a hairdryer, a TV, a PC, etc. Let’s
take a toaster for example. Get into the bath while holding the toaster.
Plug the toaster in, turn it on and drop it into the water. Another way is
to take a sharp metal object and stick it into the electric socket. Or go
outside and climb an electricity pole and try to reach and grab the wires
while still holding to the pole. Or maybe you work in a prison as
electrician. You can surely use the electric chair for self execution. Well,
if you are so retarded that you can’t get electricity anywhere then we’re
suggesting you to stand under a tree in a thunderstorm while holding a
metallic object. Good thing if you’re a dirty wigger/rapper. That shiny
bling surely will attract the lightning and strike the shit out of you.

TIME: 405
Everything happens in
a matter of few seconds.

PAIN:  505
Though it lasts only
few seconds the pain will be enormous. Once the electricity starts flowing
through your body you won’t be able to move or get away. The high voltage
will fry you alive.




Despite the smell of
burnt flesh your corpse will look like a fried chicken with crispy skin.

Suitable for all ages.



  Nothing complicated
since all you need is to get liquid in your lungs. Get your head under the
water and inhale. Do this in a bathtub, a sink, a pool, a lake, a river –
anything you can imagine. You can also do it by the dinner table with your
family. Serve them a soup then in the middle of the dinner plunge your face
into your dish and drown in soup. Maybe you don’t want such big attention
from the people around you. Then you should drown yourself in the sewers or
maybe in a public restroom by plunging your head into a toilet bowl. The
options are unlimited. Use your imagination.

TIME:  505
Once the water gets
into your lungs you’re dead.

PAIN:  405
In the very first
moment the water gets into your lungs it hurts a bit. It lasts for less than
a second. After that a death follows.


The only thing you’ll
need is a water resource (or a soup… or any other liquid).


Nothing special or
shocking so the best suggestion to improve the impact is to find a good spot
and a way to perform a drowning suicide.

Fast, fun, easy.
Nothing can go wrong.


  This usually was
practiced by hillbillies since the method is easy and costless so if you
live in a city you might not understand the beauty of this method. City
people are just so used to razors, sleeping pills, cars and all the other
stuff. Maybe it’s time for you to go out in nature one last time. The
process is simple: find a hillside with soft sand and start digging a
tunnel. The sand should fall on you at some moment while you’re digging but
if it’s not happening, you can start digging upwards. The sand will bury you
alive pretty fast. But if you live in a city and there is no sand you can go
and look for a construction site. Simply look for a cement mixer truck and a
hole where you could pour the cement in. Drive the car by the hole and start
filling the cement automatically in the hole, quickly get out of the truck
and jump into the hole.

TIME: 505
The suffocation is
very quick. Once the sand or cement gets into your airways you will
suffocate in a few moments.

PAIN:  405
You will experience a
little discomfort as the weight of the sand/cement will put some pressure on
your body. Also when the sand/cement gets into your lungs it will feel
weird. Overall it’s not painful, it’s rather uncomfortable.



Sand: the only thing
you need is your hands. To make it easier you can use a shovel.

Cement: a cement mixing truck.

IMPACT:  105

There’s a big chance
that no one will actually find your body. You can only hope that some kid
will accidentally come across your foot sticking out of the sand or cement.

100% effective and
doesn’t cost anything.



Go and look for a
construction site. You need to look for an unfinished double layer brick
wall. Stand between those two layers and finish laying bricks. Also it is
recommended to stand closer to the wall corners. It can be a chimney, a
column or any other construction with a hollow inside. It can also be one of
those slab walls. Just look for an unfinished hole in those slabs, sneak
behind them and hope that nobody will find you.

Caution (author’s note):
Be careful and choose a construction site with
trustworthy workers or else you’ll end up like one of my friends who chose
to commit suicide by building himself between the walls. See, the problem
was that the workers at the construction site were real sick fucks. They
found out that my friend had built himself between the wall slabs and what
they did they drilled a hole in the wall right at the height of my friend’s
buttocks. They were constantly raping him in the ass through this hole. My
friend couldn’t bear it long and three days later he died. So watch out,
buddy. There are some real sick people out there.

  TIME:  005
You will most likely
die from dehydration due to the lack of water. As explained earlier in “The
Shredded Anus” section it will take at least a week for you to dehydrate.

PAIN: 405
Not much of pain, you
only might experience a little discomfort while crawling between the narrow

There is no extra
equipment you should buy. All the stuff you need to build yourself between
the walls will be right on the spot at the construction site.


Hopefully the stench
of your rotting body will be so strong that the new residents of the house
will notice it. However, if you’re building yourself in the chimney make
sure to do it in the springtime. After a half year your corpse will be in a
perfect condition to shock people. Then they will use the fireplace and the
fun begins.


Successful yet dangerous way to die.

RIPPED UP BY ANIMALS bm gois fs 26

Go to the zoo, find a
lion cage, climb over the safety fence, get close to the lions and start
annoying them. If you get lucky, they will get angry and attack you. Or you
can simply go to Africa and go for a hunting. There’s nothing complicated
about this method since all you need is to confront wild and angry animals.

TIME: 105
Depends on how hungry
the animals are. If they’re hungry, they’ll eat you up pretty fast.

PAIN: 005
The animals will
bite, rip pieces of flesh from your body and eat you alive.



No equipment needed.



Classic gore – blood,
ripped flesh, intestines, etc.

This one so called ‘cheap’ methods. Suitable for those who can’t afford anything better.  

BEHEADING bm gois fs 27

Beheading is a lot of
fun cause you can never know what the victim’s face will look like once
beheaded. Anyways, the easiest way is just finding a nice railroad and
putting your neck on the rail. The hardest part is the waiting so if you are
a man with a huge patience you could probably choose this method. You can
also cut your head off using a guillotine. Go on, build yourself a
guillotine, then put your neck under the blade whilst holding the string
that is attached to the blade. When you’re ready release the string and let
the head roll.

TIME: 505
Usually less than a

PAIN: 505

Everything happens so
fast that you won’t feel a thing. The only problem you should worry about is
that you might have a faulty guillotine or a dull blade. The blade could cut
your neck only halfway that would cause some unpleasant feelings…


If you’re building a
guillotine you’ll need some planks and nails, hammer, blade and a string of
course. When nailing the planks together, a rail for the blade should be
made so it could smoothly slide downwards. We think you’ll figure how to
build that up.


A headless body –
what can be better than that? Make sure to make a funny face before
releasing the string.


Fast, fun and

COMBO bm gois fs 28

“Combo” is actually
something that anyone can leave to their imagination individually. It means
that you can combine any methods you like. The options here are absolutely




We give this the
highest rating because it is up to you how you will plan your suicide. You
make your own choices and nothing can go wrong.


Suicide notes are
important; they are probably the last thing people will read from you. You
want to leave a good impression, don’t you? Sure you want! So listen well
because surely you don’t want your note to be vanishing amongst all the
other emo’s suicide notes.

First of all you are
allowed to write anything you want. Write a poem, tell how much you hated
them, reveal where you buried Mrs Fletcher’s body – anything you can
imagine. The most important thing is to tell the reason you are killing
yourself. You can also make up stuff and maybe give your family the feeling
that it’s their fault that you’re dead. Here’s an example of a suicide note:

Dear mom and dad,

I hate you!

Sincerely, your beloved son.”

You can write your
suicide note anywhere you want, just be sure that it will be found. Write it
on a piece of paper, a toilet paper, your own body or on the wall using ink,
paint, shit, blood or cum. However, it is not an obligatory. You can go out
without leaving a message behind you.


We hope this guide
helps you in committing a suicide. However if you have decided to kill
yourself that means you’re a failure but if you fail at killing yourself
then you’re an incredibly huge master-failure. But anyways don’t forget that
it is always the best to take as much lives with you as you can. How and
where to do it is up to you and if you carefully follow our guide it will
lead to a great success.

A few tips to remind you before you finish reading this guide and going
onwards to killing yourself:

-videotape or stream your suicide on internet; make sure everyone sees it.

-arrange a small terror act; kill some people, blow up something and then
kill yourself.



    Project director: Ajaa

Text written by:

Ajaa UTF-88

Art by:

Ajaa Chokecherry Happyman


Oblogathon  Piestar  Redghostkiller Sadman walterbarrett Yedstar 1sauber1